This from D-Mac at PhillyWillDo: Feb. 7. 7800 block of Germantown Ave. An unknown person took a 6′5″ cutout of football player Jon Runyan from the vestibule at McDonald’s at approximately 7:45 a.m. The suspect was described as a black male, 6′2″, between the ages of 26-30, wearing a maroon jacket. He fled in a white ambulance with blue writing northbound on Germantown Ave.

This crime raises a number of questions. First of all, since this was a cardboard cutout of a white guy and it was kidnapped by a black guy, does this constitute a hate crime? Second, am I the only one who is dying to know what was written on the side of that ambulance?  One time in the town of Nassawadox, where I’m from, there were two siblings who ran a painting company called Crudup Brothers. Well, times got tight and they decided to rob a bank. Their decision to wear ski masks was rendered somewhat irrelevant because they used the company van to make the getaway. When the police came, the bankers told them that the robbers made their getaway in a van with the words “Crudup Brothers” painted on the side of it. They were very quickly apprehended, and I presume that the jury reached a verdict in record time.