I remember an old joke my first grade teacher told me: “You know why Canadians do it doggystyle? So they can both watch the hockey game.” For some reason that expression of national attachment to a sport crept into my head when I woke up this morning and remembered there won’t be a Major League game today. I guess we’ll all have to do with the home run derby and a few observations at the midway point.

The first is news that Pedro Martinez “may be flying to Philadelphia today.” Why is that ambiguous? Either he is flying to Philly today or he isn’t. If he may be flying in today, then say something like “reports are that Martinez is flying to Philadelphia today.” That leaves the writer wiggle room in case he doesn’t show. On top of that, why doesn it always have to be a top secret exercise, these signings? If he is flying to Philly, we have to assume he’s flying here to sign. After all, he could have easily taken a physical down in the Dominican. I don’t get why GMs and the media have to act like Dick Cheney when it comes to these things.

Bob Ford has decided the Phillies pitching needs to improve. Wow, I haven’t heard anything that clear since my girlfriend told me I have to drink less. I mean, is there anyone who really thinks a playoff-contending team with the 3rd-worst ERA in the N.L. doesn’t need to improve?  How about this for a headline: “Phillies’ Pitching May or May Not Need to Improve.” There, I’ve fused both concerns.

Finally, reader tofoomeister points us in the direction of this. Apparently Mets fans have grown tired of booing their own players this year and are taking it out on the home run apple. On one level, I can’t blame them for looking for something new to disparage given how bad they’ve been. Then again, upon hearing that the Nationals fired manager, Manny Acta, it sounds like the theme-of-the-day for terrible teams is to direct their negative energy in exactly the wrong spots.