An article in the LA Times yesterday (brought to my attention by Burt Lavallo) is a tad ironic, as it blasts Philly fans for being tacky and classless…by being tacky and classless. First the author, T.J. Simers, attacks not only the pitching but the personalities of some of the Dodger bullpen, then he goes after Philadelphia fans.

As you know, Fox will be broadcasting the World Series and it likes to put the camera on the face of every single fan sitting in the stands, these fans as ugly as any in the country.

Nowhere in America are people more angry than those living here. During Game 3 they had their humorless furry mascot put on boxing gloves and take on someone who was supposed to be an L.A. fan, sunglasses, cellphone and all.

The furry mascot punched him out, much to the delight of the folks here who love a dash of violence with their sports entertainment…Same tired skits, by the way, they employed a year ago.

But this is considered entertainment here, the only bright spot if they draw the Yankees now, getting a look in the mirror at fans who might remind them of themselves.

T.J. has a point. Our fans are not nearly as likely to be souless shells of humans as they are in LA. Our boob jobs and fake tans per capita are way lower. We don’t get handsome young athletes like Kobe Bryant in our stands. But then again, our fans are not frauds. If Kobe Bryant, who is a Mets fan, showed his face in our ballpark, he would be heckled mercilessly.

Our fans show up at the games when they begin, to cheer on our team from the first inning to the 9th, and they rarely leave a game early, unlike Dodger fans who show up in the 3rd and leave in the 7th, no matter what the score is. Sorry, America, that you will be denied an opportunity to see this pathetic display of “fanhood” on your TV in the Series.

As for the violence, TJ, I think we may have a bit of a misunderstanding. You see, our furry mascot is not real, unlike the thousands of Crips that hang out in your ballpark. We don’t have a gang violence problem at CBP, but we heartily apologize if our furry mascot upset you with his oversized boxing gloves. We’ll ask that he tone it down next time. He should behave more like your mascot, Kobe Bryant. Then again, our mascot has never been charged with rape, so maybe we’ll call this one a draw, eh T.J.?

Yep, poor America has to deal with watching passionate fans cheer on their team in what promises to be a great Series between two sports crazed towns instead of seeing the cameras panning over to Pat Sajack with dozens of empty seats behind him. T.J., if you want to watch a championship for the stars and the spectacle, and want to have a listless live crowd attend, watch the Super Bowl. If you want fake boobs and fake tans on your TV, rent a porno. If you want to watch what promises to be a great World Series between the two best teams in baseball, tune into Fox during the World Series. But if the thought of two enthusiastic fan bases scares you, then maybe you better watch something else. Might I suggest Wheel of Fortune?