If the Russians felt the way epic yellowbelly, Johnny Goodtimes, did then there would have been German hands black with oil on the Volga at Stalingrad. Had the Ruskies no pride? No sense of protecting the motherland? Of course they did. Which is why they threw themselves into machine gun fire until Paulus’ 6th army was reduced to a smoldering wreck. The odds were against them but they had one thing going for them: the desire to protect their homeland at all costs.

The famed 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment held out at Bastogne, men in foxholes staring down Panzers and constant artillery salvos. What did they have in their favor? The irrepressable sense of honor and dignity that comes with any great undertaking. This world would be a very different place if if the Soviet and American armies were made up of thousands of Johnny Goodtimes. An empire founded on a mystical and bizarre set of evil beliefs was stopped in its tracks by the forces of good back in World War II. God’s will shone through the valor, bravery and sense of duty exhibited by the men and women of the Allied armies. That was a different time. It was a time where ecentric dandies like Goodtimes were shipped to asylums and real men watched the ramparts. It was a time when winning mattered.

So while you’re watching the Phillies defend their home field and their World Championship tonight, think of the men in red as warriors not bothered by the trite silliness of dressing up nicely and sipping brandy while their fates were decided. Think of them as men of virtue who answer to a higher calling than ease and simple defeat. But whatever you do tonight, don’t think of them as a team comprised of the spineless, gutless and cowardly spirit of Johnny Goodtimes.