I know you don’t like soccer because you’re American. You probably also hate the fact that entrees are served before the main course in France. And you believe that hairy men should never wear speedos on the beach. Heck, I’ll be you don’t even feel full after eating tapas.
But this clip is evidence of why soccer is awesome. Not only is the goal scored by Roma’s Stefano Okaka incredible but his celebration makes Ochocinco look like Ben Stein. And of course, the best part is the announcer. Aside from the obligatory “Mama Mia!,” you don’t have any idea what this guy is saying except for the fact that he’s howling like a high school kid who just scored with a Greek tranny. And so now you do like soccer and eating dinner at midnight.
In news that is about as unrelated to the stated mission of this webiste as anything, the entire Eritrean national soccer team disappeared after a regional tournament game against Tanzania. As it turns out, the team’s plane returned to Eritrea with only 1 of its 13 outbound passengers, the coach. The story was reported by NPR, not suprisingly; the gripping narrative of daring young dreamers escaping the oppressive post-colonial government of some third world fascist state is exactly the kind of thing NPR listeners love to hear. It gives them a sense of purpose and something nifty to listen to while taking the last few sips of their lattes and adjusting the temperature on their Volvo’s butt warmer.
One of the more darkly comedic things about this story is the fact that Eritrean border guards have standing orders to shoot anyone attempting to flee the country on its Sudanese border. Really, things have to be awful in Eritrea if people are risking their lives to get into Sudan. In any event, the loss of the Eritrean team doesn’t matter much to international soccer as they weren’t going to be in next year’s World Cup anyway. Maybe the best thing to come out of this story would be if the Sixers read it and were inspired.
Ok, we now return to our regularly scheduled programming of haikus.
Yep, that’s what they’re calling Thierry Henry’s handball that led to France’s victory over the Irish this week in what turned out to be the end of Ireland’s bid to play for the World Cup in South Africa. For those of you unfamiliar, the “Hand of God” was the most famous handball in soccer history. It took place in the 1986 World Cup when cocaine soccer great, Diego Maradona, scored a goal against the English with his paw. And now this goal happened with the French guy and sometimes people call the French “frogs.” So you can see why this title is humorous.
The controversy over this has been (to say the least) intense. Obviously the goal shouldn’t have counted and when you watch the replay you see that the French were clearly offsides on the play as well. Henry has apologized and the Irish have called for a rematch but FIFA, predictably, is having none of that. The juggernaut has won the game and Joe Buck and Tim McCarver hate Ireland so obviously The European Sports Network got the team it wanted into the Cup. For as quaint and hospitable as the Irish are, their charm is nothing compared to the awesome allure of all the rich creams and sauces of the French.
“Philadelphia’s World Cup Soccer bid is a fantastic opportunity for the city and the region to work together to showcase our world-class style, ” said Governor Rendell. I’m not sure “world-class style” would be the first attribute I’d invoke to sell Philly’s suitability to host the Cup. I do know this: I was at the first sporting event at the Linc a few years back which was a soccer game between Barcelona and Manchester United in ‘03 and that is an awesome venue for soccer. The added value of the stadium’s location in the middle of a giant parking lot could be a selling point too since it provides a natural spillover for rioting England fans. To boot, we’ve got the new soccer stadium opening in Chester soon so teams could practice just a few miles down the interstate, provided they don’t get killed on the way there.
I think I may have just heard the stupidest thing ever said and not surprisingly, it was uttered and confirmed on our local sports radio station, 610 WIP. Hugh Douglas and Rob Charry were discussing the reasons why soccer isn’t as big in the U.S. as it is in other parts of the world and a caller chimed in with the following explaination for soccer’s lack of cultural domination in the States: all of the countries that are traditional powerhouses in soccer are former British colonies and since the U.S. broke from British rule so long ago, the English love of soccer has long been lost on us.
Not only are none of the countries that have won a World Cup former British colonies (Uruguay, Italy, West Germany, Brazil, England, Argentina and France) but the only team in the FIFA top 20 worldwide that is a former British colony is the United States. In fact, excepting Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scotland (all part of the British Isles), the only teams ranked in the top 50 that are former British colonies are the mighty teams from Cameroon and Nigeria.
Confirming the borderline brain-dead caller’s drivel, Hugh Douglas showed his utter ignorance and stupidity by responding “well, looks like we just got a history lesson.” And before going to break, Charry said “the caller makes some very good points.” If by “good points” he means “points that are stupid and devoid of any truth” then yes, good point.
The final whistle just blew and in a truly historic game, the U.S. just beat World #1, Spain, in the semi-final of the Confed Cup. This is the last competitive international tournament until next summer’s World Cup in South Africa. This is huge, maybe the biggest win ever for the Americans.
Jozy Altidore and Clint Dempsey scored for the U.S.A. and Tim Howard back-stopped a 2-0 shutout in a game that is sending ripples through the soccer world. Brazil plays South Africa in the other semifinal tomorrow afternoon. Assuming we play Brazil in the final match and we win, this Confed Cup will mark the greatest moment in U.S. soccer history.
I think I may have just heard the stupidest thing ever said and not surprisingly, it was uttered and confirmed on our local sports radio station, 610 WIP. Hugh Douglas and Rob Charry were discussing the reasons why soccer isn’t as big in the U.S. as it is in other parts of the world and a caller chimed in with the following explaination for soccer’s lack of cultural domination in the States: all of the countries that are traditional powerhouses in soccer are former British colonies and since the U.S. broke from British rule so long ago, the English love of soccer has long been lost on us.